You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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