thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
