I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
