New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
