i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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