Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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