Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
