Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
