Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
