even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
