were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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