My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
