Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
