just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
