that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
