Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
