we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize