4 words: hood of his car
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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