thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
