My friends, they love my intelligence
She is in my trunk
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
