Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
