no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
