sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
