Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
