My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
