I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
