he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
