I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
