Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
