i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
