The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
