I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
