maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
