Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
