we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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