marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
