Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
