i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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