i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
wanna go halves on a baby?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
