garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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