After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
