Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
