My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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