the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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