Life is so much better after having sex.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
