I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
handjob tips. give me some.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
