This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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