We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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