Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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