I want to walk on stilts...naked
Your dad touched me again.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
