I think my fart just growled at me.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
