I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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