I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
