We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
