At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
