Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
