you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
