You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
