The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
