Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
